Past, Meet Present
by NCISVU
Summary: While running from his troubled past, Tony finds his soul mate but will his dark secrets ruin any chance they have at making a future together? Hawaii Five-0/NCIS crossover. McGarrett/DiNozzo. Slash.
1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note: **Written for the April hurt/comfort bingo mini challenge on livejournal and the soul bonding/soul mates square on my trope bingo card.

* * *

**Past, Meet Present**

**Chapter One: The Hero**

Tony subconsciously touched both corners of his mouth to make sure he wasn't drooling as he watched the scene play out in front of him. It was almost like a highly anticipated, top budget action film in the making which was exciting in and of itself but what really had him going was the lead actor dressed to the nines in perfectly fitting cargo pants and a tight t-shirt under more body armor and gear than Tony had ever worn in his life. Between the Kevlar perfectly fitted to his chest and adorned with extra supplies, the military grade utility belt and the thigh holster strapped in just a way that accented the man's groin, Tony was sure he was on a set in Hollywood.

But he wasn't a set and he was far from Hollywood and the object of his attention wasn't the lead actor. In fact, he wasn't an actor at all. Tony was in Hawaii and he'd just witnessed the man—most definitely a cop—jump out of a second story window into a cart filled with hotel laundry just in time to save a five year old child from being hit by a tour bus while the rest of his team chased after the man who'd pushed the child into traffic in the first place, a man they'd obviously been chasing since before Tony had stumbled on the scene.

"Daddy!" the child cried from her hero's arms.

Before Tony realized what was happening his eyes met with the strangers and mere seconds later he was being pushed to the ground by a large, burly man behind him who was obviously the little girl's father. He wanted to be angry but he was too embarrassed. If he'd been paying more attention he would've been able to keep his feet under him. All wasn't lost though because when he looked up the hero was standing over him, offering him a hand up.

"You alright, man? You hurt?"

"Just my pride," Tony groaned, slipping his hand into the one being offered and nearly shrieking when the stranger pulled him up with no effort at all. Tony couldn't not notice the tingling sensation starting in their connected hands and flooding his body as the hero pulled him to his feet. The unexpected and undeniable connection caught him off-guard and appeared to have thrown the other man for a loop as well, if the confused look on his face was anything to go by. That momentary vulnerability created an almost overpowering need to be had by the man, to be kissed and held, filled and fucked and maybe… _maybe _even loved.

"Lieutenant Commander Steve McGarrett," the man said, shaking their joined hands before reluctantly letting go.

"Special Agent Anthony DiNozzo," Tony said with his most charming smile. "Well, former special agent." He smiled again and at the man's questioning look added, "it's a long story."

"I'd love to hear it sometime," Steve said.

"I'd love to tell you," Tony replied mysteriously.

"Hey!" the Jersey accent coming from somewhere behind Steve was sharp and demanding and made Tony cringe. "We gonna get this scumbag back sometime today or did you have other plans?"

"Alright, I'm coming," Steve yelled back, shooting a how-dare-you-interrupt-me glare over his shoulder before turning back to Tony and smiling. "You here on vacation?"

"To be honest, I don't know what I'm doing here," Tony replied and that was the god's honest truth. Running away from his problems? Hiding from the people who cared about him most? Was it temporary? Permanent?

"Where you stayin'?"

"The Hilton."

"Meet me at the Tropics Bar later," Steve said, "if you're not busy."

Tony's face lit up probably a little too much and he nodded happily and just like that the conversation ended and the hero disappeared.

* * *

Tony hoped like hell no one would be waiting for the elevator on the 28th floor of the Rainbow Tower in the Hilton Hawaiian Village as he raised his head, allowing Steve to suckle on his Adam's apple and bite down on his pulse point. An evening at the bar had quickly turned into what was looking like a promising evening in Tony's overpriced hotel room. The connection between the two men was so strong that a simple brushing of their arms together created powerful feelings that had them reaching for each other's hands and before long sharing looks that obviously said 'let's take this upstairs'. After a large pizza and a few shared drinks, that was exactly where they were headed.

"I'm gonna fuck you so hard you're gonna wake up on the 27th floor," Steve growled, his hand finding its way beneath Tony's shirt and clawing at bare skin.

Tony's knees quivered at the promise and threatened to give out on him but he didn't want to end up on the ground in front of Steve for a second time that day. Well, not unless he was sucking cock or bending over to offer his ass. He couldn't wait for that. Something told him as soon as Steve pushed inside him, he'd feel full and fulfilled like he never had before.

Minutes later they were in Tony's room overlooking the great Pacific Ocean, listening to the sound of the surf and happy vacationers below but the only thing that really mattered was each other.

Steve lifted Tony's shirt over his head and got him onto the bed with ease and Tony decided he liked being manhandled by this guy, the hero who'd selflessly put his life in danger to save a child and was now, quite possibly, saving Tony's life. He whimpered at the rough teeth on his nipple but arched his chest towards Steve at the same time, begging for more. When he felt like he could breathe again, he opened his eyes and tugged on Steve's shirt, wanting him bare-chested as well; desperate for a peek at what was sure to be a body ripped with muscles.

Steve bowed out of his shirt and while Tony stared at his body, he went to work unbuttoning the fitted jeans Tony was wearing. He let his eyes wander up Tony's impressive body until blue met green then his tongue poked out and wet his lips. "Lift your hips."

Tony obeyed without hesitation and then Steve's long fingers were dragging across his skin, removing his jeans and the boxers he'd thrown on at the last minute. His cock bobbed free, wet and glistening in the dim light of the room. Tony stared at Steve as Steve stared at his cock and he hoped the man was impressed with his healthy length and thickness.

"Fast now, slow later?" Steve questioned, releasing the button on his cargo pants.

"Works for me," Tony answered. "I played in the shower this morning. Just lube me up and I'm ready to go."

Steve swallowed hard, his Adam's apple bobbing up and down as he reached for the tube of lube Tony was holding out for him. He was surprised, out of all the variety on the market, that they both used the same kind.

"I wanna see you," Tony said, lightly stroking his cock.

Steve's eyes moved from Tony's cock to his eyes and he watched the man's reaction as he removed his pants and underwear and tossed them onto the floor next to Tony's. "You ready for this?" he asked, proudly showing off his cock.

"I think I've been ready my whole life," Tony replied and immediately hoped it didn't sound too cheesy. There was just no other way to explain the way his body reacted to Steve's touch; the way mind, body and spirit he seemed to be so wrapped up in the man that ever since he'd seen him earlier he hadn't been able to get him off his mind. Soul mates had always seemed like a little bit of an 'out there' idea but if there was such a thing, Tony was pretty sure he was staring at his.

Steve climbed back on the bed, between Tony's spread legs and let their dicks slide together while he went back to kissing the man. Tongues and lips explored while translucent threads of precum connected their bodies. It wasn't long before Tony couldn't take it any longer.

"You promised to fuck me into the floor below," he whispered into Steve's ear.

After one final suckling kiss, Steve rose up on his knees, grabbed the condom off the mattress where he'd thrown it before removing his pants and tore it open with his teeth. Tony drew his legs up and back towards his chest, watching as Steve rolled the condom on himself and added a little extra lube.

"Gonna be a little cold," Steve warned before Tony felt cool, lube-coated fingers playing at his entrance, testing him to make sure he was loose enough.

"I'm ready," Tony pleaded, desperate for that final, full body connection.

"You keep saying that," Steve said and Tony was sure the grin on the other man's face was a cocky one.

Steve lined himself up then tucked his arms behind Tony's knees and leaned over the man, pushing inside with one long, even thrust. Tony's fingers dug into Steve's back at the overwhelming sense of being filled and he rolled his hips, pressing his ass against Steve's body as hard as he could.

"Fuck," Steve grunted, holding his body tightly against Tony's, his perfectly sculpted abs quivering at the strange sensations flooding his body. "What the fuck is happening?"

"I don't know," Tony breathed, "but don't stop. For fuck's sake, whatever you do don't stop."

Steve rocked his hips and before long he was pounding into Tony like he'd never done with anyone else. The energy originating from their joined bodies spread all the way to the tips of their fingers and toes, their hearts raced and they couldn't have stopped even if the wanted to. Steve held Tony tightly against him as body overtook mind and Tony screamed into Steve's chest as the best orgasm of his life tore through his body.

All words were lost as both men struggled to get their bearings and make sense of what had just happened; why and how. Their hearts slowed and their breathing calmed and the feeling of invincibility and endless energy faded, giving way to exhaustion.

Tony reached out and grabbed at Steve's bare chest when the man moved off of him. As badly as he wanted to talk about what had just happened and ask Steve if he'd experienced the same thing, he was quickly finding himself unable to keep his eyes open. All he could do as he drifted off to sleep was hope Steve would still be there in the morning when he woke.


	2. Chapter 2

**Chapter Two: SEALed in Blood**

Originally Tony thought a change in scenery was just what he needed to fix the downward spiral his life had been on for the last year. The warm Hawaiian sun, the salty ocean breeze, sand between his toes, crystal clear waters—who could be stressed in paradise? It had taken him less than twenty four hours to discover life in Hawaii was no less stressful than life elsewhere and the current cause of his stress had an arm draped across his torso, a leg resting underneath one of his and his half hard cock wedged between their bodies.

It wasn't until Steve started nuzzling and kissing his cheek that Tony realized he was awake too. He turned his head and the two gently rubbed their noses together before their lips met in a good morning kiss.

"Hey," Steve said, and the deep, sleepy quality in his voice drove an uncontrollable urge in Tony's body.

"Morning," Tony replied.

"How're you?"

The more Steve talked, the more the sultry tone in his voice had all Tony's blood heading south, despite how sore he was. He groaned as the thin sheet tented, which caught Steve's attention and caused him to smile.

"Me too," Steve said, "but we're out of condoms and I'm sore." Fuck was he sore. They'd been going at it all night. He'd lost track of how many times one of them had waken the other up in search of some relief.

"I'm sore too," Tony admitted. "In fact, I might need help getting out of bed."

Steve smiled as he lifted himself up on one arm and looked down over Tony's body and Tony decided right then and there that Steve should never stop smiling because he was so damn gorgeous. The man's smile literally took his breath away.

"How long are you here for?" Steve asked.

"I don't know," Tony answered. "I have this room for a week but no plane ticket outta here."

"Does that mean I can convince you to stay?"

"Don't get too attached," Tony said with a sad smile. He knew he had too much baggage to make him desirable.

Steve bent over just enough to brush his lips across Tony's. "It's too late for that, Tony."

A ringing phone interrupted their conversation and had both men tensing. Tony relaxed slightly when he realized it wasn't his phone but that didn't last long as he listened to one side of the conversation Steve was having. He reached out and brushed his fingers across the man's muscular chest, sensing their time together was coming to a close.

"Sorry," Steve said as soon as he hung up, "I gotta go."

Tony nodded, trying not to show the hurt in his eyes; already feeling the loss as his soul mate slipped out of bed. There was an awkward silence as Steve got dressed, neither man knowing what to say, and minutes after the phone call Steve was gone. Tony fell back against the mattress and sighed heavily, feeling even more alone than he had before he'd landed in Hawaii and met the handsome hero.

He closed his eyes, hoping to fall back to sleep, but almost as soon as he did his phone started ringing. He grumbled and groaned as he rolled himself over to grab over it, expecting to see a familiar name on his caller ID but instead there was an unfamiliar number with an 808 area code. He accepted the call and raised the phone to his ear and before he could say anything, heard the deep, soothing voice of his new lover on the other end. The man couldn't have even made it all the way down the hall to the elevator yet.

"When can I see you again?"

* * *

Tony's week at the Hilton turned into two and then three before he started looking for an apartment to rent. He had a nice little nest egg tucked away in the bank but that wouldn't last long with the Hilton's room rates and living out of a hotel was getting old, especially on the nights that Steve stayed over. The quiet, subdued sex they had in his room was pathetic compared to wild lovemaking they enjoyed at Steve's house where they didn't have to worry about people walking by the door or in neighboring rooms.

As time went on the two spent more and more time together, getting to know each other better in every way. Whether they were having drinks together at their favorite beachfront bar, running on one of the island's many trails, playing in the water, seeing the sights or just relaxing at home they could almost always be found in each other's company and it was clear to everyone who knew them that things were getting very serious, very fast.

There was only one thing threatening their budding romance—whatever deep, dark secret Tony was hiding. Sometimes he was overly jumpy or easily startled, he would zone out in the middle of conversations and on rare occasions be inexplicably irritable and, most common, he would lie awake at night or spend the night reliving whatever had happened in his dreams.

The more time Steve spent with Tony, the more apparent it was that whatever was in his past, and most likely what had landed him in Hawaii, was becoming more and more of a problem but no matter how hard he tried, he hadn't been able to convince Tony to open up to him yet.

Steve raised himself up on one arm and looked down at his lover when he felt Tony thrashing around in the bed next to him. He rested a hand on Tony's stomach and felt the familiar panicked jerk before Tony calmed under his touch as he woke. Tony rolled onto his side facing away from Steve and mumbled into his pillow as he rubbed his ass against Steve's cock. Steve didn't need to be a mind reader to know the mumbled garble had been Tony asking him to fuck him.

"I can fuck your brains out every night from now to eternity, T, make you feel better than you've ever felt in your life," Steve said somewhat arrogantly as he rubbed his hand back and forth over Tony's side, "but that's not gonna fix whatever's going on in your head. Talk to me, man," he pleaded. "You can trust me."

"Nothing's wrong," Tony's said innocently, still grinding against Steve. "Fuck me. I wanna feel you."

"Tony…"

"You're hard," Tony interrupted, cutting Steve off. "You want it too. I know you do." He turned his head and stole a kiss that quickly turned passionate, knowing that would distract Steve and stop the questions.

Steve took the bait and before long kissing turned to touching and touching turned to fucking. Sometime later Steve collapsed onto his pillow, thoroughly sated and breathing heavily. Tony had successfully diverted his attention again. The last thought that passed through Steve's mind before sleep overtook his body was at least a good middle of the night fuck seemed to stave off Tony's nightmares for a while.

* * *

"We should talk about last night, T," Steve said as the two sat out back and watched the ocean waves splash against the shore.

"We did have some pretty amazing sex," Tony said before taking a sip of his steaming coffee.

"That's not what I meant and you know it."

"There's really nothing else to talk about." Tony's tone begged Steve to leave it alone but Steve decided to push anyways.

"You were dreaming," Steve said matter-of-factly. "My guess, by all the thrashing you were doing, is that it was a nightmare. Maybe the reason you ran away from home?"

"I'm not ten," Tony said with a chuckle to hide the fear mounting over Steve's questions. "I didn't run away from home."

"Tony…" Steve's sentence was cut off by his ringing phone. His eyes stayed locked on Tony's for what felt like an eternity before he grabbed his phone and answered it.

Tony breathed a silent sigh of relief, never more grateful for an interruption, although the sad look on Steve's face after he hung up broke Tony's heart.

"I gotta case," he said. "I gotta go."

"Be safe," Tony replied.

"You gonna be alright?"

"Me? I'll be fine," Tony said confidently. "Don't worry about me."

Steve looked at Tony for a moment longer like he wanted to say something else but instead he leaned down and kissed the man on the lips before hurrying inside to get changed for work.

* * *

Moving day was a big deal for Tony. Part of him would miss the convenience and luxury of the Hilton; someone to clean his room every day, any kind of food he could imagine on his doorstep, the ocean a hop, skip and a jump away—anything and everything he could imagine at his fingertips. What he wouldn't miss was all the people; the loud drunks in the early hours of the morning, the crowded hallways, elevators, pools and beaches, long waits for overpriced food and a weekly bill that would have him living on the street in no time at all. In a way it almost felt like he was moving away from home and gaining his independence again.

A quick seven miles from Steve's house, in a neighboring neighborhood, he was moving into the second house on an older couple's property. Rent was reasonable, the house was beautiful, there was a stunning, oasis shaped pool with a spa in the yard and the couple couldn't have been nicer. To top it all off, the place had come fully furnished, saving Tony even more money. It wouldn't be his forever home but it was as close to a perfect first place as there was.

He'd just finished seasoning two fat steaks when he heard a knock and his front door opened.

"I brought the beer," Steve called from the entryway. "Why don't I smell steak?"

"Workin' on it," Tony yelled back. Seconds later he felt two strong hands on his hips and his body being pulled back against his lover's. He arched his neck, giving the roaming lips access and hummed softly as he felt himself getting excited.

"Actually, I hope you're not too hungry," Steve whispered into Tony's ear before his tongue poked out and skimmed one of Tony's hot spots.

"Yeah," Tony moaned blissfully, "why's that?"

Steve's hands moved around to Tony's bare stomach then one trailed down to the front of the navy blue cargo shorts sitting low on his hips and squeezed. "I was thinkin'…"

"Yeah?"

"There are a lot more fun ways to celebrate you getting your own place than a cookout."

Tony rubbed himself against Steve's hand and turned his head to nibble on Steve's jaw. "And how might that be?" he asked, his voice barely audible.

Steve captured Tony's lips in an extended, passionate kiss before taking his hand and leading him back towards the bedroom. "I could tell you but I'd rather show you."

Over a half an hour later, the two once again found themselves in the kitchen, getting their dinner ready to go on the grill. Steve readied a couple ears of corn on the cob while Tony checked on the steaks.

"Think you'll be happy here?" Steve asked.

"Oh yeah," Tony answered confidently. "I never thought I'd miss cooking my own meals so much or sleeping in my own bed or not having to hike to my car whenever I wanna go somewhere."

"Feels a little more permanent too," Steve pointed out. Tony still hadn't told him how long he was planning on staying. Judging by all the uncertainty in the man's life, Steve believed that Tony truly didn't know the answer to the question so he'd stopped asking.

Tony looked at Steve with a genuine smile on his face and nodded. "Yeah, it does." He picked up the pan with the steaks and corn on it, thinking about the comment Steve had made and realized he hadn't been that happy or felt quite so settled in a long time. "I like it."

"Me too," Steve agreed.

The two headed outside to the grill and put their food on. Both were hungry, Steve after a long day of work and Tony after getting moved in and organized. Their quick round of lovemaking also had their stomachs growling. Steve waited until their dinner was going and they were settled into the comfortable deck chairs before speaking again.

"Alright, T," Steve said, "we just made love, I know my phone's not gonna ring and we have a little while before dinner's ready."

"Okay," Tony said, sensing he wasn't going to like what was coming next.

Steve could see the tension building in Tony's shoulders and he knew pushing him for answers wasn't going to get him anywhere, so he decided to try a different approach. He was quiet for a moment, putting his thoughts together before speaking. "Did you know when you get your SEAL trident, they pound those little brass pins on the back of it into your bare chest."

"Sounds like a painful initiation," Tony said.

"But symbolic," Steve added. "It's more than just a brotherhood. Those few that make it through are part of something that can't be put into words. It's sealed in blood."

"Blood brothers," Tony said. "Is it cool to be a part of something like that?"

"It's indescribable," Steve said, "knowing the guy next to me would die for me without a moment's hesitation or the day might come where I have to do the same for him. The guys on your team are closer to you than your family. You spend more time with them, you know them better; there's this unexplainable bond. It's huge." Steve took a quiet sip of his beer while he gathered his thoughts once again.

"What was his name?" Tony asked. He recognized the hollow look in Steve's eyes. He'd seen the same look in his own eyes in the bathroom mirror every day for the past several months.

Steve looked over at Tony and smiled softly. "Freddie Hart," he said quietly. "He died fighting off the enemy while I escaped with our target. If it wasn't for him, I wouldn't be here right now. That was the moment my whole world changed. I don't know how long I spent going over and over every minor detail, trying to figure out a way both he and I could've escaped; second guessing myself, torturing myself over it. I don't know how many nights I woke up to the sound of him calling my name, the gunshots, the sight of him being gunned down in the rearview mirror of the pickup I'd commandeered. That op… _that moment _has tortured me more than anything else in my life, Tony."

Tony reached out and rested his hand on Steve's arm, knowing there was nothing he could say. The power of touch was a stronger connection anyways and more than anything he wanted to make sure Steve knew he was there for him. "I know what you're doing," he said gently after several moments had passed, "and I appreciate it but I'm just not ready to talk about it yet."

Steve nodded. He may not have liked that response but he had no choice other than to accept it and wait patiently until Tony was ready. At least he was making progress. Tony had finally acknowledged there was something going on. "You know I care about you, right?"

"I care about you too," Tony replied. "I care about you like I've never cared about anyone else before."

"I'm here, whenever you're ready to talk, man."


	3. Chapter 3

**Chapter Three: And the Rain Came Down**

The TV was on but Tony couldn't seem to focus on it, no matter how much he loved the marathon of classics TCM was airing. His mind was elsewhere and it had been all evening. Steve was late getting home from work which wasn't uncommon. Tony had all the patience in the world, knowing exactly what a job in law enforcement entailed. Most evenings he whipped up a quick dinner for the two of them, knowing Steve would be famished when he walked through the door but not that night.

That night he was too preoccupied to cook and he blamed it on the low budget movie he'd watched earlier in the day…

Cassandra Michelson was a journalist who'd met her soul mate during a trip South America to cover a humanitarian story but before she could tell the man—Brett, was his name—she'd been kidnapped. It was as cheesy as a romance film could get but the irony wasn't lost on Tony. Cassandra had spent the majority of the movie wondering if she'd ever see her soul mate again. Would they have a chance at love? Was he the one who'd give her the five children and quaint house in the country with the red front door she'd always dreamed about?

As often happens in such movies, Brett had come to the rescue and the couple had lived happily ever after and Tony found himself unable to stop thinking about his relationship with Steve. If he and Steve really were soul mates, which Tony believed wholeheartedly that they were, was it only a matter of time before Steve swept in and saved him from his demons? Was he screwing everything up by keeping his dark past hidden away?

Originally he hadn't planned on opening up to Steve at all but as the man became more and more persistent it was clear to Tony that he'd have to tell him eventually. If he'd learned anything from the romance flick he never planned on admitting he'd watched, it was how deep the bond between soul mates was. Then again, it was just a low budget movie. It didn't even have any big name actors in it. Could he really trust something as big as his past and his relationship to Steve to a cheesy movie?

He had a lot to think about before Steve got home…

* * *

Tony sat in the pouring rain, watching thirty and forty foot waves rage in the ocean. Lightning lit up the sky and thunder interrupted the silence as the threatening storm moved closer but Tony couldn't bring himself to care enough to get up and move inside, out of the downpour. His hair laid wet and flat against his head and his clothes were plastered to his body. A shiver ran through his body despite the warmth of the rain that the rare winter storm brought. His plague weakened lungs may protest in the morning but it wasn't anything he hadn't dealt with before.

"You're one crazy son of a bitch!" came a loud voice behind him. "You know that?" Steve flopped down onto the beach next to Tony, already just as drenched despite only having been outside for several seconds. He'd just walked inside from a long day at work. The last place he expected to find Tony was outside in the downpour. It wouldn't be long before the monster waves started reaching the shore and they'd both have to move back from the beach or, hopefully, into his house.

"It's so powerful," Tony said not taking his eyes off the waves, "so much bigger than us. In less than a second we could both be swept away and gone forever."

Steve's attention moved from the storm to Tony as concern flooded his eyes. "You're not gettin' suicidal on me, are you?"

Tony looked over at Steve with a half sincere smile on his face and shook his head. "No," he answered, "just thinking about how fragile life is."

"Good," Steve said with a lighthearted laugh, "because my evening plans didn't include checking you into a mental hospital." He reached over and rested his hand on top of Tony's, squeezing gently as he studied the man's body language. He sensed this was a turning point in their relationship but in some ways Tony was still very much a mystery to him and he wasn't sure if his gut was right or not. Regardless, he would sit out on the stormy beach in his backyard all night with his lover if that was what it took.

"I used to be an NCIS agent," Tony confessed quietly after several moments of prolonged silence. "I was stationed in DC till my boss was blown up. I took over the team while he recovered and when he returned I was given my own team in Rota, Spain."

"Musta done a good job," Steve urged when Tony paused for just a little too long.

"I guess," Tony said with a shrug. "Investigating the crimes was easy but the team was hurting. They were bitter, scared, confused."

"And as team leader you absorbed all of it," Steve said knowingly.

Tony nodded. "I thought Rota would be easier. You know, investigating the crimes without all the baggage and history that came along with the team in DC. Seemed like a nice promotion."

"Was it?"

"For a while," Tony answered. "I was assigned a couple great agents. Got over being homesick pretty quickly and figured out the lay of the land in Rota. Within weeks we'd gone from a boss/agent relationship to friends… maybe even the kind of bond a family would share. Everything was going perfect."

"Until?" Steve prompted.

"Until a ruthless, rogue CIA experiment took my team from me," Tony said so softly that Steve could barely hear him over the storm. "He kept them alive for days. He'd torture 'em and send me pictures or videos with a clue about where he was keeping them. I'd track 'em down but I was always too late. They stayed one step ahead of me. Until they didn't."

Steve waited patiently for Tony to continue. He was well aware of the rare glimpse he was being given into the man's head and what a privilege it was to be the one Tony was finally opening up to and he didn't want to push or pry too much.

"By the time I caught up with them JP was gone—dead, tortured almost beyond recognition. Julie—we called her Jules—she was barely holding on but still with it enough to know I'd finally found them. She took her last breath in my arms, waiting for the ambulance." Tony turned teary eyes and a trembling lip towards Steve. "They were my responsibility, Steve, and I let them down. Now they're both dead. Two families are missing a brother and a sister, son and daughter. JP had a wife that loved him and a seven month old daughter that'll never really know her daddy. Jules wanted a family more than anything in the world and now she'll never have that chance. I feel like I shoulda been able to do more. I was team leader. Ishoulda been able to protect them!"

"We always feel responsible as the one in charge," Steve said. "I won't bother trying to convince you that sometimes the bad guys outsmart us because you already know it's true. One of these days maybe we'll both be able to accept it, let go of the hurt and put the past behind us. Or maybe not. I don't know."

"But you get it?" Tony asked with a hint of desperation in his voice. So far he hadn't found anyone who really understood what he was going through; not that he'd been looking. He didn't need someone to fix him or make the pain all better. That was impossible. But being able to talk to someone who knew what he was going through and didn't try to pacify him with cliché sayings would give him hope.

"Oh yeah," Steve said, wrapping his arms around Tony and pulling him into a strong hug, "I get it."

Tony was glad the rain masked the few disobedient tears streaming down his cheeks. Sharing his feelings with Steve and getting his fears and inadequacies off his chest had been more therapeutic than anything else he'd done to try to numb the pain of walking into the room and finding both of his agents dead and dying because he hadn't been able to get there in time.

Steve sat on the sandy beach, holding Tony tightly in his arms until the storm waves started splashing against his legs. As much as he hated to disturb the moment, he knew if they didn't move they could both be washed out to sea and never seen again. "C'mon, babe," he said against Tony's drenched hair, "let's go inside. We need to get you dried off and warmed up before that rattle in your chest gets any worse."

Steve did most of the work getting Tony into the house. Tony was stiff from being cold and wet and sitting curled up for so long and he was feeling emotionally drained. If it hadn't been for Steve he probably would've been content to sleep on the beach in the pounding rain.

"'m so tired," he murmured as Steve stood him in the back entryway and started undressing him.

"I know," Steve said. "Let's get these wet clothes off then we can go to bed."

Several well planned maneuvers later, Tony was changed into a pair of dry underwear and tucked into Steve's bed, snoring softly while Steve watched over him, kissing his forehead repeatedly.

* * *

Morning dawned in all its majestic glory. Bright colors lit up the dawn sky, leaving behind any trace of the storm that had rocked the island the previous night and brought with it a perky Tony. If Steve hadn't known better he would've wondered if he'd dreamed up the conversation they'd had the night before while Tony explored with his lips and probed with his tongue.

Steve let Tony touch and play until he was so excited he couldn't take it any longer then rolled him over, eased Tony's legs up and pushed into him, using his precum as lubrication. He ravaged Tony's body to Tony's 'fuck me' and 'harder' commands until they were both boneless and breathing heavy.

"Please tell me you don't have to work today," Tony said, pushing the sheet away from their sweaty bodies and cuddling up against Steve.

"It's Saturday," Steve said, running his fingers through Tony's hair. "Unless the governor calls, I don't have to work today."

"If the governor calls he's gonna have to answer to me," Tony said in a mock threatening tone.

"I'd like to see that," Steve replied with a chuckle. The two shared another kiss and Steve held Tony tighter. "Feelin' better?" he asked gently, hoping Tony didn't shut down on him again after such a big breakthrough the night before.

"Much," Tony answered, sounding completely sated.

"Any other deep, dark secrets you wanna get off your chest?"

"Just one," Tony answered. It was one that had been weighing on him ever since Steve had asked him how long he was staying on the island on that first day they'd hooked up. Originally he hadn't planned on putting it into words but after feeling the high that opening up the previous evening had given him, he decided to give it a shot. "I feel homesick," he confessed with a cynical laugh, "but the stupid thing is I don't even know where my home is anymore."

"It's right here," Steve said without a moment's hesitation, "with me."

And for the second time in Tony's life he believed the words another man was speaking to him. First it had been Gibbs rescuing him from a hopeless situation in Baltimore and now it was Steve, helping him pick up the pieces and put his life back together. He may have run away to Hawaii, unsure of what he'd find, how he'd feel or how long he'd stay but a chance encounter with a guy that looked like sex on his first day had led to a relationship that confirmed that the islands were his home now. He fit there. He was happy and he was ready to make a life with his handsome hero… whatever that may look like.

**End.**


End file.
